But, Why? Pt. 3

We were home. We were on top of the world. Nothing could stop us now…except for the occasional new parenting learning curve. Ohhhh, but wait. There’s more!

The Tuesday after we brought Brooks home, Bryson tested positive for COVID. EXCUSE ME, WHAT?! Sorry, honey, but you can’t be around our freshly surgeried, NICU superstar, newborn! Off the BGE’s house Brooks and I went. Thank the Good Lord above for my mother. She helped so much in those beginning days. Shout out to all the single moms kickin’ butt and taking names…I salute you. I would have died without the help of my mom.

After Bryson tested positive, I immediately tested as well. Negative with a warning of, “It might show up in a few days, but yes, you and your baby should get away from your husband!” Poor Bryson. Enduring quarantine with no one, but the dogs. Let’s be real, they loved the one on one time.

By Saturday, I felt terrible. I went and got tested. Here we go…now I’ve got COVID. Sobbing in the doctors’ office, those postpartum hormones are no joke, listening to the doctor tell me I need to leave my baby with BGE because of everything that’s gone on since he was born. Off I go to quarantine with Bryson and the dogs…again, leaving my baby in the care of someone else. I mean, can we catch a break?!

Here it comes…rearing it’s ugly head, “But, WHY?!” We JUST got our baby home. We finally had some time to actually be parents. Then THIS!!! REALLY?! In those 14-days of quarantine, we learned a lot. We would go and stare at the baby through the window of my parents’ house. We would take drives because we needed out. We would take walks and take all the vitamins and do all of the things to try and fight this nasty virus. I felt guilty. I had potentially exposed my new baby. I had potentially exposed my mom. I had potentially exposed my 90-year-old grandmother that came to meet her great-grandchild. And to beat all, I was missing out on his first weeks of life. I wasn’t getting to be mom. I didn’t feel like mom. I felt like I was lesser than because the NICU nurses had put him on a schedule for us of feeding and sleeping, now BGE was experiencing those first weeks of life and helping us so tremendously I’m not sure we can ever repay her, and here I was doing nothing for my baby. Not by choice, but by force. I still think it was the Lord telling me to slow down, listen, and trust. My baby wasn’t forgetting who I was, but I had to recover so that I could be full force when he did come home.

FINALLY, quarantine was over and parenthood really began!

It seemed as if we had defeated the “But, Why?” HA, take that, questioning insecurities!!!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: